3 ways Autism taught me to Doula

Around 3.5 years ago my oldest son was officially diagnosed on the Autism spectrum. Around that time I was also beginning my journey to becoming a Doula. Both of these things are huge challenges in my life that I have had to learn and grow with. Autism isn't something we will ever overcome, we can only learn how to deal with the rapidly changing day to day dynamics of our son. Becoming a Doula presented itself with many challenges for me. I am a quiet introverted control freak so I had to step out of my comfort zone big time. I was thinking the other day between the parallels between Autism and birth and it drove me to write this blog post.

So how has Autism taught me to Doula?

1. Autism is always changing and presenting unique challenges. No birth is the same, each one presents it's own unique challenges. Raising my son and dealing with the day to day ups and downs and completely random new behaviors or ticks that show up has taught me patience and how to just roll with it. Being a Doula means just that, you can never know exactly how a birth will go, sometimes completely random things you weren't expecting get thrown your way. I have become a lot more flexible, learning to just go with the flow.

2. Trust your instincts. This was a hard lesson for me to learn and one that I strive to teach my clients. Autism has taught me to trust my own instincts. I know my son better then any of the doctors or therapists. I know I can take their suggestions and choose the ones that I feel are the best for my son and our family. With birth I strive to teach my clients that same thing. I hope that my clients can trust their own instincts and take the advice and suggestions that the doctors, nurses and even I give them and find the ones that will work best for them.

3. Never stop learning. I admit I am obsessed with research. I love learning new things. Autism drove me to continually research and keep update on new therapies, new ideas on ways to help my son. The birth world is also heavily research based and always changing. There is always something new to learn either through reading, hands on learning or even just attending a birth. My research obsession was solidified and justified. Now I spend a lot of my down time learning.

Everyday with my son is a new adventure, and even when I'm overwhelmed and exhausted I look forward to it. Some days are good, some days are not so good but each day he teaches me something new. Same goes for heading to a birth, no matter what I always look forward to it, because I learn something new, connect with someone on a new level and watch a beautiful moment come to fruition.

Contest Announcement!

It Takes a Village Mother's Day Contest 

Let’s celebrate your village! Every mother has someone that rocks their world, supporting them, uplifting them when they are down, giving advice etc. Earthsong Doula Services wants to hear about that person in your life.

To Enter: Submit a 500-1500 word essay on your village, whether it is one person or several who have influenced your mothering. You may attach a photo if you choose as well.

Submissions to: rfdoula@gmail.com subject: IT TAKES A VILLAGE

Deadline May 1^st 2015 @ 11:59 pm

Winner will be announced May 5^th 2015 on our Facebook Page

If your essay is chosen you will win a $50 gift certificate to Mocha Cabana for you and your special villager to enjoy. Your winning essay will be featured on our Facebook page as well.

To qualify: Must be a Lethbridge and area mother, expectant mother or trying to conceive.

For more information visit www.lethbridgedoula.com 

Be sure to also like our Facebook Page Earthsong Doula Services and follow us on Twitter Earthsongdoulas 

Doulas and Epidurals

 I want to talk about epidurals and how a doula can assist you if you choose an epidural. I am going to be talking about it from the point of view of someone who has planned this as part of their birth choices, because it is Your birth, Your choice and it is perfectly alright to want to choose this route from the very beginning.


A doula can help you navigate through your labour pains and help you with coping methods while you wait for your anesthesiologist. You may be waiting for an hour or two if they are tied up in surgery.

Once the anesthesiologist arrives, your doula can help with supporting you and your partner through the epidural process. (Side note, in some hospitals, some anesthesiologists prefer less people in the room, and will ask some of your support people to leave, it's just how they do things)

Once the epidural is placed, your doula can help get you relaxed, settled and resting comfortably. She can help you shift your position with the use of a peanut ball or pillows to allow more room for baby to descend. She can rub your feet, or your hands and offer you and your partner lots of emotional support.

When it comes time for pushing, your doula can help you figure out what you are feeling or not feeling, and gently coach you through. Your doula may offer up a suggestion or two for more effective ways to push, or positions that you can do with limited mobility.


Sometimes an epidural doesn't work effectively. There are cases where it only works on one side, or cases where it stops working completely. It can be stressful or even frightening for a mother in labour to have this happen and not expect it. A doula can jump in and help you cope, she will calm you, encourage you and offer comfort where she can.

There are also cases where women progress too fast for an epidural. I've seen it happen, one minute she is being prepped, next they sit her up and she's ready to push! A doula can be a gentle calming guide when this happens, she can reassure you that the end is near and that you are doing a great job. Afterwards she can help you process and debrief.

There is a common belief out there that Doulas only support women who want a natural birth. That if you vary from that, a doula can't support you. While that may be true of some doulas, the majority are fully capable of supporting any birth choices. We are non judgmental and open minded. We have seen everything. You can have a good birth experience even if you do choose to go a more medical route.

                                                      #worlddoulaweekblogchallenge

Doulas love Dads

As Doulas our primary role is to be a labour and birth support person. That paints a picture that our primary and/or sole focus is on the labouring mother. This leaves many dads/partners iffy on where they fit into the grand scheme of things. 

They may be hesitant about doulas. Who is the usurper of our position? Why are we paying her to do things that I can probably do just as well? 

Well for starters, a doula is never there to usurp a dad's role in the birth. We love dads! No seriously WE LOVE DADS! It always makes us smile when a dad jumps right in with both feet to offer love and support. A doula can absolutely never replace that, we do not have the same sort of love or feelings for your wife/mother of your child as you do! 

So if the doula isn't going to take over....what is she going to do? 

In the words of one of my favorite dads that I have had the pleasure of supporting "She is a superhero of all things birth and baby!" Yes that's right folks, your doula knows birth! She knows the ins and outs and inner works of birth. She has more tips and tricks up her sleeve then that What to Expect book you glanced at in Chapters. AND she will share those tips and tricks with you to help guide you to support the mother of your child. She will help you navigate all the beeps, buttons, noises, words, and sights thrown at you when you enter a labour and delivery room. She will show you how to rub your partner's back just right through a contraction. Your doula will quietly take a step back while you sit there holding her hand, whispering how proud of her you are. She will step in when your partner looses focus and you are lost on what to do, she will gently bring that focus back. 

She will be there to hold your partner's hand while you run to the bathroom, to make sure that you eat, and even grab a quick nap if necessary. And once the grand event of pushing gets under way, she will prepare to step back and give you your space to admire the beautiful baby that will soon be yours. While you are busy staring in awe at the woman who birthed your baby and that precious new life in her arms, your doula will be watching you, she will be taking pictures, and quietly ever so quietly she may wipe a tear from her eye at witnessing such a moment of pure joy. 

Like I said, we LOVE dads! And we hope that dads will love us too! 

                                                     #worlddoulaweekblogchallenge

An Interview with a Doula

We started off the blog challenge talking about me. Today I'd like to introduce you to another Fabulous local Doula! 

Meet Vicki Todd, certified birth doula and registered massage therapist! (Yes that's right folks she gives massages too!) 

Vicki works over at Mother Nurture Massage and Doula Services and I am proud to have her as a colleague. She is also the fabulous Doula I call upon when I need a primary Back up. So let's get to know her a little bit better. 

Tell us a bit abut yourself and your family

A little about me and my family: I'm 35, and live in Coaldale AB. I am a registered massage therapist, certified infant massage therapist and a certified birth doula. I share my home with my partner Alan, my 2 year old son Simon, my 13 year old step-daughter Julie and our 3 cats!

What made you decide to become a Doula? 

I was a Doula long before I was a mama. I was in massage school and we were learning about early childhood development. Our instructor was talking about doulas and I knew it was a great way to empower women. It's no secret that childbirth isn't something that is talked about much. My own family never shared birth stories, and there is a lot of fear that comes with lots of misinformation. I hope to educate and empower women so that they know that they have choices in childbirth and that they know that their voice is a valid one that will be heard. 

What is your favorite thing about being a Doula? 

There are many, but one of my favorite parts is watching a man become a father. There is no more authentic response in a human then the joy that men have witnessing their child being born. I have heard the most authentic laughter and tears of joy from men. Not only that, but it's amazing to witness the awe they have watching their wives deep in the labour process. Even if they can't say it out loud, I always know how amazed and proud they are of their wives. 

Tell us about your hobbies/interests/passions 

I enjoy a good yoga class, watching movies, reading a good book and getting together with friends. Days spent not doing much other then spending time with my family are great too and are my favorite way to spend the day. 

Tea or Coffee? What's your favorite beverage? 

I love both! 

What is one piece of advice you would offer up to new or expectant parents? 

I've been thinking about this one a lot. I think my one piece of advice I would share with expectant mamas/parents is this: Birth is an incredibly unique experience. No matter the mother, there are many variables that determine the outcome of a birth. When you hear the stories, many awful stories of birth from others, remember that what happened to them will likely not happen to you. Do your research, find a care provider you are comfortable with and who will answer any questions you have and do what is best for you and your family at the time you give birth. There is no "right" way to have a baby.

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Sticker Shock

Locally Doula services range anywhere from $500-$900 depending on who you go with. Many people experience sticker shock upon seeing the cost. Today we are going to talk a little about why we charge what we do and how you can break it down to cushion the cost. 

We'll base this off a basic "package" so to speak. 

So we have an initial interview, this is where you meet your Doula, there is no guarantee you will hire her at this point so she is taking a risk and giving up 1-2 hours of her time for this interview. 

So after the initial interview you decide you love her and want to hire her great! Then she will do 1 or 2 more meetings with you which are again 1-2 hours each. 

Then there is her 24 hour a day on call period that starts around 37 or 38 weeks, which means she is on call for you whenever you go into labour. She doesn't travel far from home, she rearranges her schedule to be flexible so she can drop everything at a moments notice. 

So you go into labour and your doula arrives. On average she could spend 12-18 hours with you during your birth process. 

After the birth she may visit you once or twice more for 1-2 hours per visit. 

Then factor in time for phone calls/text messages/emails etc say 5 hours in total throughout pregnancy. 

The average hours she devotes to you are at least 33 hours 

Then factor in that in travel time and mileage

She may also need to factor in child care, which is not only for meetings but arranging 24 hour on call care for her children while she is on call for your birth. 

And then she has basic business costs that come out of her fees as well for supplies, website hosting etc. 

These start adding up quickly, and then she should also be paying herself a living wage from each client she accepts. 

So what can you do to cushion the cost of a Doula? 

Ask about payment plans! Most Doulas don't expect their full fee up front at the time of the contract signing. They usually have payment plan options so you can spread out the cost a little bit. 

Check into your health benefits coverage. In Alberta some health spending accounts will cover the cost of a Doula. 

Ask if your Doula has gift certificates available. Share this info with family and friends looking for the ideal baby gift for you. 

Once you get past the sticker shock, a Doula is very much worth the Moulah! She is going to be 100% devoted to supporting your birth and your choices. She'll be there when you need her for however long you need her, no strings attached. 

                                                    #worlddoulaweekblogchallenge

Let's talk about...Me

This is a hard post, I'm not really good at the whole "talk about yourself" thing. I'm kind of an introvert and a private person. I am sure you could all go read the "about me" section on my webpage (www.lethbridgedoula.com) So instead here are 10 random facts about me.

1. I was born in Calgary Alberta, and mostly grew up in the Vulcan Alberta area.

2. I grew up on an acreage where I witnessed birth many many times over from the age of 5 onward. (of farm animals: sheep, cats, dogs etc)

3. I attended my first cesarean section when I was a teenager. One of our Labradors ruptured her uterus while in labour resulting in an emergency cesarean. I was there to help warm puppies.

4. I wanted to be an Archaeologist when I grew up.

5. I am kind of a closet "Hippie" I call it Hippie Light as I can blend well into mainstream society.

6. I am obsessed with babywearing, I've worn my babies for nearly 8 years. It has saved my sanity on many many occasions.

7. I had major struggles breastfeeding with my oldest and nearly gave up. I was blessed with the support of an amazing lactation consultant and I was able to breastfeed until he was almost 1. We still used formula to supplement as well.

8. Due to my struggles with birth, breastfeeding and parenting my oldest, I got more immersed in the crunchy world while I was pregnant with my daughter and discovered an amazing support community, which lead me down the path to become a Doula.

9. I chose to become a Doula because I wanted to be able to share love and support much like what I received with my own support network. I continue to be a Doula because I absolutely love my job. Even when it is hard, I still wake up the next day and I'm ready to do it over again. I love that my job is constantly changing, I learn something new at every birth I attend.

10. My oldest son was diagnosed with Autism at 4 and a half. At that point I almost considered giving up my dream job of being a Doula, but then I watched all of his support people, learned about their passions and in some ways their own struggles. I realized that to truly help him I had to show him that he can achieve anything he dreams up. So I stuck with it.

Meet my Family. They are all a little crazy but they are awesome and support me. Without them I wouldn't be the Doula I am today.

                                                         #worlddoulaweekblogchallenge